When the prospect of visiting a Japanese Six Flags presented itself, I thought “meh.”

Then I remembered that everything in Japan shits on their American counterparts. For example: Japanese McDonalds tastes like real food (for the most part). Japanese Christmas doesn’t pretend like its about more than commercialism (happy holidays). Japanese record stores actually still exist (fuck you itunes and best buy). But I digress.

Fuji-Q highland is an amusement park that sits at the base of Mt. Fuji. This is important because I spent a lot of my time there staring at the mountain. 

The most disappointing part about Fuji-Q is that photography is not allowed in any of the most interesting attractions so for most of this entry you’ll just have to take my word for it.

Fuji-Q houses 3 full-size coasters of which I was able to ride 2: Fujiyama and Eejanaika. Fujiyama is tall. Tall as fuck. Seriously. I think I tasted the ozone layer when I was at the apex. Eejanaika is one of those fancy 4-dimensional coasters. While there are many disputes in scientific and mathematical circles about what the 4th dimension actually is, it seems that Japan has it figured out. Spinning. On Eejanaika, your seat can spin vertically resulting in a ride that was only a little less disorienting than watching a visual kei band perform. 

There are also many interactive attractions such as the multiple scavenger-hunt type buildings. In one, you play characters from Sengoku Basara on a mission to collect enough weapons to survive a final face-off with Oda Nobunaga. In another you play crew members of the White Base as they attempt to collect upgrade parts for the Gundam before an unknown enemy blows them up. Basically, this involves running around a completely decked out ammunition store house/space ship and swiping a card/infrared sensor at access points to see if you’re lucky enough to get something you can use. The best part about these attractions is trying to avoid stepping on all of the children that take it much more seriously than the other adults present. 

Finally, there was the haunted hospital. I know that there are many people that respect Japanese horror. I also understand the psychological elements that Japanese horror plays with and why many find it to be terrifying. However, I grew up in a country where you get terrorized by the nightly news. That being said, I’m sure that this place could have been boxer-browningly scary IF I wasn’t with a bunch of friends and IF I wasn’t a big black guy.

The haunted hospital was like a haunted house. You walk through a building filled with creepy noises with people popping out at you every once in a while. Only now, you’re in a hospital. A place that plays with the balance of life and death. And its haunted. Soo…. yeah, some might shit themselves. The issue here is that at points where the zombie/possessed/diseased doctors and patients are supposed to jump out and chase you or grab you, they don’t. Cus you’re a big black guy. A big black guy walking with 4 other foreigners. They are more afraid of you than you could possibly be of them. Its kinda funny when you think about it.

Also, fuji-q loves Christmas.